About
Welcome to the Surviving Spouse Club
Surviving Spouse Club was born out of a need for me to get help after the loss of my wife. Not finding anything written especially for men, I set out to record the decisions I was required to make and try to help others not make the same mistakes I made. Nothing can prepare you emotionally for the loss of your spouse no matter which one of you dies first, but the information in my book and the suggestions on this blog will help you to prepare for loss with information and encouragement designed to make your journey a little easier.
I know there are many people who think about death and cringe not wanting to go there in their minds. Many people believe if they avoid thinking about death that it will just go away. No matter how hard you believe it will not happen to you, the fact remains that the death rate in the world today is 100% and everyone will face death sometime in their future. Hopefully it will be later than sooner but as you will discover, the more information you have in advance, the easier that transition will become.
Everyone will lose their spouse one day. History has told us that usually women live longer than men but there is a growing fact in our society today that statistically tells us that men are becoming the survivor more often than at any time in our history. Do not get caught like I did not knowing every detail of your spouse’s daily life so you will be able to carry on when that day comes. For instance, men have always provided life insurance so that the family would be taken care of when they die. A sad fact is with more and more women dying first, men are unprepared to continue life their wife dies first. Many other examples are talked about in the book.
This book is for men and women alike. It was originally conceived as a tool to help men through the grieving process, but more and more women are finding it has the answers they have been looking for. Most families today prepare for the loss of the husband, but few are prepared when the wife dies first. This book helps both men and women prepare for that loss which everyone will experience one day. It will help them to cope with the aftermath with action steps. This book is filled with encouraging words to help you along you journey with practical steps needed to heal from one of life’s worst nightmares. The author uses his own story to explain how he handled his tragedy and then gives you step by step explanations how to handle your situation. When someone tells you your spouse has died, your world changes in an instant. What do you do now? How do you survive? What happens to your children? How do I handle the funeral? I wonder if my spouse would have agreed with my choices? The book answers these questions and hundreds more helping you to avoid mistakes that might be made that could be hard to correct. The author wants you to avoid his mistakes and wants you to survive and learn to live again. The one message of encouragement throughout the book is you are going to survive! If you are not going through this personally, give one to someone that has lost a spouse or use the information as a trusted friend to help someone you know survive. Practical answers fill you with encouragement and hope and help you survive the loss of your spouse.
Dear Terry Ann,
I just got your message and I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. You ask why do members of my own family not understand why I get depressed, feel lonely, and some days seem darker than others. Why do the days linger? Why was my sweetheart taken from me? Why did God allow this to happen? Why can’t I move on with my life and climb out of this slump I am in? Why, Why, Why? Do the questions never stop?
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Everyone who has experienced a loss in their life goes through thoughts like these and hundreds more every day with seemingly no answers. When I lost my wife of over 25 years, I asked all of the same questions you are asking and I could not find any answer either and that is why I wrote the book. Cindy has been gone 13 years and I still have days with questions, but the difference for me is, now that I have found some of the answers and I know how to deal with stress, grief, loneliness, pain of loss, etc., I am a survivor. After you learn the steps to survival and the way to handle daily situations, you will find yourself becoming stronger and stronger.
You say your family does not understand why you cry all of the time. Think about that for a moment. After experiencing what you have gone through, can you image anyone being able to understand without traveling through the same valley experience? Sometimes people say they understand but unless they have lived it, they really don’t understand the pain of losing a spouse.
You say you try to venture out but feel the tug to go home to a place of comfort as if he were there. Terry Ann, he will always have a special place in your heart. No matter how much time goes by you will always remember but it is possible to move on with your life, survive and learn to feel the joy you once knew. The feelings you are experiencing are normal. Nothing is wrong with you. I need to encourage you to not hold or suppress your feeling but allow them to remain on the surface where you can deal with them. Grieving is a complicated issue because everyone who has experienced a loss is in a difference place at different times. If your depression becomes uncontrollable, seek out professional help at once. If you feel like you need to understand where you are and how to deal with it, this book may help. Do not give up or be discouraged. Remember, if you loved deeply, you will hurt deeply when that love is lost.
Grieving is so important! I try to encourage people to try to get to a point where they can celebrate the one they have lost. I know that sounds strange but I will always treasure the mother of my children and our 25 years of marriage but in order for me to move on; I needed to celebrate her life. I wrote about that because I felt it so important.
I noticed in your closing comment of your message that you are turning to God for answers and I want to tell you that is the perfect place to turn. In the book, that same message rings out from cover to cover. When people read it they will walk away knowing that I could not have survived without a loving and merciful God to hold my hand and provide what I needed, when I needed it.
Terry Ann, I again want to express my sorrow for your loss but encourage you to continue to reach out and seek the help you need. You can survive! You are worth it! Make everyday a new day as you take one baby step at a time on your journey to survive.
God bless.
Charles.
Dear All,
I am extremely proud of my husband! Please tell your family and friends about the book and now you can order the Companion Workbook as well. Every household should have this!
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